


back off just like you wish

by sseundalkhom



Series: The Garland [13]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, joshua is cheating, regret always comes late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:21:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14553786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: that night, when they fought a lot. it was the last night where he met him. it was the last chance to make him stay. before everything got too late.





	back off just like you wish

The loud shouting turned into a thick silence. The eyes told how much he got furious over the other man. His breathing got rapid. His heart thumped fast after throwing his tantrum at him. It was just like the other night, but it seemed different when the man could not get enough to make a fuss over the same thing. He knew it was useless and wasting his time. They have fought over the same thing and it was—because of his deeds. But no, he couldn’t lose the chance for this matter. 

 

He really needed to tell Jeonghan that he only loved that man. Even though in the end, Jeonghan would do the casual thing of letting it away easily, pretend that he believed in his words and the other day he would prove his words were all lies. 

 

“You want us to break up, right?” 

 

Joshua looked up and ran towards his boyfriend. He had it enough and those words came out from his boyfriend’s lips. 

 

The other male looked exhausted, hopeless and gave a piteous gaze. Joshua held his shoulder. 

 

“No, I never intend to break us apart,” his voice was taut with the full disappointment, “I love you, remember? Don’t you remember how many years we spend together?” 

 

Jeonghan gave a weak smile. “Do you remember us when you were with that actor from your theatre, Shua? Do you…” 

 

He gritted his teeth. “Let us take a break for a while, I’m tired of having the same fight with you.” 

 

“Will you run to him? Just like when we ran to each other after the class back then—when you came back from your exchange then hugged me tight…will you?”

 

The man shrugged and looked away. “You will, right Shua? You will come to his apartment or you will invite him here while I’m walking out from here. Just like I’m walking out of your life.” 

 

“Jeonghan, look—I have only you, remember?” 

 

“I will remember if it’s Joshua from 6 years ago. Not the one from 6 months ago. Does he make you happy?” 

 

The latter took his hand off. He had no time to feud with him. “Just go, you talk nonsense right now. Go, Jeonghan. Come back when your right sense is on.” 

 

The man tilted his head to one side. “Is it a goodbye?” It never sounded like a poignant farewell to Joshua, however, it was like that for the latter. 

 

Joshua shook his head in disbelief. “Never it will be a goodbye, Jeonghan. We have to take a rest.” 

 

Jeonghan sighed. Without a word, he took his stuff and left the scene without sparing a glance to his boyfriend. With the heavy steps, he went back to his home through a chilly night. 

 

Meanwhile, at the same place, Joshua lingered with the hard regret of shouting at his boyfriend which he had never done before. He put his face, buried the face into his palms. Without anyone knowing, he wept that night. 

 

* * *

 

Days turned into a week. Weeks turned into a month. Nothing had changed during the time as Joshua kept occupied with his theatre and his affair with one of his actor. The fight between him and Jeonghan slowly vanished into a dust as he never contacted him. To him, it was good to give each other space. He wanted Jeonghan to calm down for awhile, yet he did something wrong again. 

 

Like this night, when he spent the night out, drinking his coffee with his affair in the nearest cafe from his apartment. They were chilling out, talking and flirting. Even Joshua ignored the buzzing message and calls. Until he couldn’t stand, he fished out the phone. His forehead wrinkled, nose scrunched as he read the message. 

 

_Babe Y, 09.15 pm_

_Shua…_

 

_Babe Y, 09.20 pm_

_Joshua…_

 

_Babe Y, 09.25 pm_

_Jisoo…_

 

_Babe Y, 09.30 pm_

_Soo…._

 

_Babe Y, 10.04 pm_

_Let’s end us._

 

Joshua let out a heavy sigh, which making his affair turned his head toward the latter. “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

 

Joshua did not answer. He typed down in hurry. 

 

_11.30 pm_

_Okay_

 

Not waiting for long, he got the reply. 

 

_Babe Y, 11.31 pm_

_Goodbye, Shua. Live well._

 

Deep inside him, a scar was made. Those words slowly engraved on him, crashing his mood but soon after he looked at his affair, he smiled. “Just a friend,” he said. 

 

He lied. For the first time, he felt worried and sorry for Jeonghan. But he couldn’t help. He was stubborn enough to stay there, not making Jeonghan stay for him, yet he stayed for someone else. He was stubborn to let his precious relationship torn apart. Little did he know, it was his last chance, without making a fuss, he should’ve not said okay. He should have said it was a joke, he needed his Jeonghan back but here—he was smiling to someone else, holding someone else’s hand. 

 

* * *

 

The night went darker. A sudden rain came and forced them to stay under the shelter much longer than expected. Joshua bought another coffee for them. They were having a good talk, abruptly a call interrupted them. Joshua fished out again his phone and annoyed of getting called by unfamiliar number. 

 

“Who is it?” His tone was dark. 

 

 _“Is Mr Hong Jisoo? Can you go to XX hospital?”_ His heart sank. His family isn’t living in Korea. The one who is able to connect to him, Jeonghan. Something bad must happen to him. His hunch about Jeonghan is never failed to impress someone about how much they connect to each other. But—but something bad should’ve not happened in Jeonghan’s life besides Joshua’s affair. 

 

“Which room?” 

 

 _“Still at the emergency room, Sir.”_ He hung up the phone instantly, rushing to gather his stuff. Ignoring the look from his actor, he was panicked right now. 

 

“Joshua, something happens?” 

 

The man paused for a while, giving an unreadable look. “Yes, I’m sorry. I have to go.” 

 

“I’m in. It’s raining outside,” he quickly stood up. 

 

“Seokmin, you don’t have to.” 

 

His gaze was sharp. “I insist,” he said. With a heavy heart, he let him following him. He called for a taxi, then during the way, they fell into a suffocating silence. Joshua kept on fidgeting and praying in a whisper. 

 

As soon as they arrived, he gave a lot of cash to the driver, running off to the building and sought for the male. He turned around and found no one lying there. His heart thumped fast. He barely knew what happened to Jeonghan but his heart told the truth somehow as if he knew everything. His breath rushed. His eyes scanned the room, there was a trace of blood on the floor. 

 

“Jeonghan—Jeonghan,” he called out his name like a prayer. A doctor came and he ran to him. “Where is Jeonghan?” His eyes widened at the doctor. 

 

Another doctor and nurse came from the other side. Like a drama, he ran to them, ignoring his affair who watched him in misery. 

 

“Where is Jeonghan…Yoon Jeonghan, you called me before,” he fussed, grabbing the coat tautly. 

 

Seokmin stepped in and pulling out Joshua’s hand off them, tried to calm him down. 

 

“I need to see my boyfriend, my Jeonghan—I need to know, where….don’t be silent!” He finally wept. The doctor sighed heavily. Seokmin dropped his hand off the producer. 

 

The nurse walked away, immediately followed by Joshua. 

 

There they were ushered to a room where a man was covered by a white sheet. “I’m so sorry. We’ve tried our best.” 

 

Before he could spare a word, an attack came behind. He turned back and his face whitened. “I—I” 

 

“You jerk Jisoo! You are really a jerk! Get out!” A man shouted at him. A doctor from other department made a scene in one of the rooms in his hospital. Some of his fellow doctors tried to avoid the scene, but the doctor himself was faster to grab the moment and go mad. 

 

* * *

 

Rain poured at that night, just like how he wept over his dead body. Joshua could not turn back the time where he could avoid the incident. He should not have spent the night with his affair. He should have made him stay. But he failed to do so. 

 

The unsent message from Jeonghan which he could clearly see on his phone. 

 

_[unsent] Shulovely, 11.32 pm_

_I will love you always. Although I’ve lost you even before the end of our breakup. I will miss you—just like those days. I will watch over you. I will not burden you anymore. Be happy, just like you do even when I’m not the reason behind of your happiness. You are my happiness, J_

 

He wanted to cry out his remorse for making his life in misery. He wanted to murder himself by letting the Heaven having his Jeonghan. He was too greedy. 

 

Nonetheless, because of his needless greed, he lost the love of his life. He lost the most important person in his life aside from his family. 

 

Now the left thing was his ring with Jeonghan’s name engraved on the band and his unsent message. If only—

 

If only—

 

No matter how much he wandered of ‘if only’, he wouldn’t make Jeonghan back. Because it’s been already too late. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> comment please~~ i almost curse myself because of this story


End file.
